Middle-Earthquake!!!!
by Carantalath
Summary: Ahhh!!! A huge earthquake hits Middle-Earth! what were the members of the fellowship up to during this disaster?
1. Chapter One: Rivendell (Elrond, Gimli, L...

Middle-Earthquake!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Do we all really need them? I mean, we ALWAYS have to TYPE them, and it wastes like FIFTEEN seconds of our life each time we write them out! My trust is in you, don't sue me.  
  
All was quiet in Middle-Earth (except for the usual noise, of course). The Shirefolk were busy with their doings, the Elves of Rivendell singing happily in their peaceful valley, and Sauron busily munching away at a bowl of Wheaties in Mordor (we all have to eat breakfast, you know). No one suspected anything unusual on that beautiful July morning. But suddenly...a tremor started in the ground. At first the inhabitants of Middle-Earth noticed nothing, but as it grew rapidly, they began to wonder what was going on. The shaking grew more and more fierce, until it was at its peak! Hobbit-holes collapsed, the towers in Isengard swayed, and half- alive trees in Lorien fell. If you were in Mordor you could have heard the frightened and confused shouting all the way from the Shire. But wait, we're getting ahead. Let's go back to before the earthquake started, when nothing was wrong, and see what the Fellowship was up to...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Legolas and Gimli poured themselves some Cherry Kool-Aid (Gimli actually preferred Solar Strawberry Starfruit, but he drank it all last night) and proceeded to drink at the large oak table in Elrond's dining room, Elrond himself sitting across from them. He watched them hungrily, wanting to drink it all himself, but they'd already finished most of it and Elrond knew hospitality was the key, no good Elven-King should put himself before his guests. Still...it was such a boiling hot day outside... Legolas was about to drink the very last drop out of his glass when he looked up at Elrond, inches from his face.  
  
"Can I have that?" Elrond whispered fiercely, and sat back in his chair, waiting for an answer. Legolas looked from the glass to Elrond, to the glass and to Elrond again, and then sighed and gave up his last drop of Cherry Kool-Aid to the Elven-King. Gimli shoved Legolas in the shoulder. "I wouldn't have done it if I was you," he grunted. "Thank God for that," Legolas answered, "I know you backwash your drinks."  
  
By now Elrond was done with the glass. Since he didn't want to get germs he didn't actually drink from it, but held it up above his head and poured the drop into his mouth. "aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh" he said slowly, savouring the cherry flavor, and then looked up. "Let's say we take a walk, my friends." Legolas stood up with agreement but Gimli remained in his seat, a look of pure fear on his face.  
  
"What is the matter, Gimli son of Gloin?" Elrond asked. "First of all," Gimli answered grumpily, "you can stop saying that. I think I know who my father is. You've said I'm the son of Gloin so much, I think I forget what my mother's name is. And second, what if we meet....(he whimpered slightly)...the tall guy?" "The tall guy?" Legolas laughed. "There are a lot of tall guys in Rivendell, you know. Including me." "You're friendly, as are most in Rivendell," Gimli said, "but the tall guy is mean...I was walking alone last evening, and suddenly the tall guy popped out of the bushes and said I smelled really good!" "That doesn't sound so bad," Elrond said. "It's a compliment! Not every dwarf smells really good, as I have found over the years." "Yes, but here's the second part of the story. He then asked me what soap I used so he could smell just as good as me! I wouldn't tell him, and he jumped out of the bushes and drew his sword, hissing like a menace. 'all I want is some soap!' he said under his breath, and leaped away into the trees. I ran screaming into my chamber, Legolas, remember?"  
  
"So that is why you were crying like a baby in there!" Legolas said. "I saw you run in and throw yourself under the covers, and I heard your howls above all else! My friend, if I encountered this 'tall guy', I would have fit an arrow to my bow and made ready to shoot! Why did you not draw your axe? Maybe he didn't know you had a weapon." "I broke my fourth axe this morning," Gimli said sheepishly. "you know how I am when I wake up in a bad mood." "Yes, I know," Legolas sighed, rolling his eyes. "You ran out of the chamber yelling your head off with your axe in your hands. You claimed to sever my head if I didn't give you back your Eminem Show CD. You know I asked you if I could borrow it for a couple more days!" "I have no memory of saying that," claimed Gimli, holding his head high. "and now, our talk has become off-topic. Let us take this walk, tall guy or not...though we will hopefully not see him."  
  
Elrond motioned for both Elf and Dwarf to follow him, and they paraded out of the dining room, down the halls, and outside. Legolas and Elrond noticed a slight shaking in the earth beneath his feet as they begun to walk through the trees, but he said nothing. The shake grew until Gimli started to wonder what was going on.  
  
Now the three companions found themselves being thrown on the ground, everything shaking, Rivendell itself swaying before their eyes. Elves standing on balconies were thrown from them, luckily falling into soft flowerbeds or moss. Bilbo Baggins was sitting on a bench and suddenly found himself facedown in the dirt, digging into it to find a root or something to hold onto. Gimli started crying again. Elrond told him to shut up but it didn't help. "IT'S THE END OF MIDDLE-EARTH!" he wailed. "NOW I WILL NEVER GET TO FULFILL MY DREAM OF MINING FOR SOLAR STRAWBERRY STARFRUIT KOOL-AID CRYSTALS!"  
  
Other Elves took up the cry, but added unfulfilled dreams of their own.  
  
Suddenly the tremor was gone. Everyone was quiet for a minute, and then Gimli stood up and screamed, "I'm alive! Kool-Aid crystals, here I come! Let's get packing Legolas, we're leaving tomorrow! Aren't you excited we're going to mine for Kool-Aid?" "I would prefer reverse-osmosis water," Legolas said thoughtfully, "but alright. You've already done me a favor anyways, and I've developed a liking for Kool-Aid. Elrond, we'll send you some. And if a dwarf ever comes into your dining hall, do not ask it for its last drop of Kool-Aid, or any other drink for that matter." "Why not?" Elrond asked. Legolas was about to explain, but Gimli grabbed his arm and dragged him away to pack their things.  
  
Elrond stared after them, shaking his head. Suddenly a huge man popped out of the bushes next to him, and onto the path. "Big tremor we had there," he said. "Now what the heck was that? Anyways, you smell really good....could you spare some soap?" Elrond screamed and ran into his House. 


	2. Chapter Two: the Shire (Frodo, Sam, Merr...

While Gimli, Elrond and Legolas were in Rivendell, the hobbits and Gandalf were back in the Shire having a pajama party, complete with popcorn, movies and lots of music! Not the birthday party music of course, hardcore dance music! Frodo had planned for the sleepover to be on Saturday night so they all could listen to the four-hour dance party on the radio, starting at 10 PM. Gandalf said he would prefer is they put on classical music, but they could all see he liked the dance stuff too. There he was in Frodo's living room, breakdancing on the floor with his sunglasses and long gray hair tied back in a ponytail.  
  
"After the radio thing is over, who wants to listen to Michael Jackson?!" Frodo yelled over the music, holding up his new CD. Everyone groaned. "We've only heard it about ten thousand times, blasting through your windows! Why don't you make your walls soundproof so we can get some peace and quiet?" Pippin complained. Frodo shrugged and studied the cover of his CD. He had turned into a Michael Jackson worshipper.  
  
Merry came out of the washroom with his pajamas on. Everyone stopped what they were doing and laughed. "What?" Merry said, hurt. "What's wrong with Sesame Street Pyjamas? They're in style, you know." "I bet your mom told you that," Pippin screeched with laughter. Merry glumly sat down in a chair. Gandalf came over to him. "Don't worry Merry, I used to wet the bed and everyone laughed at me!" "I never knew that! Who laughed at you!" "Well...uh...okay, I made that up to make you feel better. My point is, don't worry. Can I share a secret with you?" Merry's face lit up. "What?" "I brought Sesame Street pyjamas too...but I wanted to wait until you got changed first so I'd see if they laughed at your pyjamas or not...think of yourself as my style-tester. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to breakdance some more." Sam was outside, cutting the grass. Frodo came out into the open air and asked why he wasn't inside dancing or eating. "I like gardening, Mr. Frodo, more than eating or partying. But it's okay, I can still strut my stuff while I cut the grass, because the music is turned up so loud I can hear it through the walls. Oh, I think you've got some visitors!" Frodo looked to the direction of his gate. Behind it were all the inhabitants of the Shire, with torches of fire and logs. They clearly intended to break down the gate, and they were all yelling, "Turn down the music! Turn down the music!" Some of the hobbits even had signs and were marching in a circle. Frodo was about to run inside and turn the music down when suddenly everyone felt a slight shaking in the ground. The yelling stopped and the lawn mower was turned off. Everyone inside the house became silent and the music was turned off. "Did you just feel that?" Sam whispered to Frodo. Another tremor suddenly shook the Shire. The hobbits at the gate screamed and ran towards their holes. Gandalf yelled from inside Frodo's hobbit-hole: "Turn the music back on! I was just in the middle of discovering a new spin!" A third tremor came, and it didn't stop. The hobbits and Gandalf were thrown onto the ground, Sam and Frodo holding onto the grass and Merry, Pippin and Gandalf holding onto a chair, the boom box, and Merry's Sesame Street Pyjamas. "It's a giant WORM!" Frodo screeched. "He's tunneling under my dear hobbit- hole!" Suddenly a huge slimy head popped up onto Frodo's lawn. "Yes, you guessed it," it said, "but it wasn't me making all that racket. It's an earthquake!" And with that, it disappeared into the soil, leaving Frodo and Sam speechless. 


	3. Chapter Three: McDonalds in Gondor (Arag...

While Gimli, Elrond and Legolas were in Rivendell, and the hobbits and Gandalf were back in the Shire having a pajama party, Aragorn and Boromir (WHY do I keep typing "Boromit"!?!?! Is this the new baseball mitt?) were busy with their jobs at McD's (McDonalds to everyone else who doesn't call it McD's. Maybe you will after reading this, it's more fun to call it McD's.). When Aragorn heard that Boromir got a job there and was making good money, he decided to get a job there too. Of course they didn't have to go through training, the McD's people were thrilled to have Aragorn and Boromir working there! Now I'm sure you're confused and saying "is this in our Earth or Middle- Earth?". This particular McD's is in Middle-Earth, in the heart of Gondor to be exact. It was the fact that Aragorn and Boromir were such cool warriors that made the McD's people thrilled to have them working there. So there they were, shovelling fries into little wierd-shaped cardboard "things", and asking for money from hungry men and travelling elves, though they rarely came into Gondor now. Boromir wiped his forehead with a sweaty hand. "This is so hard, and I miss everyone! I would laugh if they came in right now, seeing us with our doofy uniforms on." "Well we're getting paid four dimes an hour," Aragorn said. "The people who hired us thought they could trick us, they thought we were stupid enough to accept less money than that. But we firmly agreed to 40 cents per hour!" "Yeah!" Boromir said, and slapped hands with Aragorn, stuffing fries into his mouth with the other hand. "Aragorn, I have to go to the big freezer to get some more fries," Boromir said after a while. "Can you look after the fries while I'm gone?" "Will do, chum!" Aragorn said cheerfully, thinking of all the dimes he'd already earned. Boromir went to the back of the McD's kitchen, and entered the freezer, which was obviously freezing cold. There were shelves and shelves of fries in there, and icicles clinging to the walls. Boromir shivered and went to the back of the huge freezer for some bags of extra crispy fries. But as he was making his way to the back, the freezer door slammed shut! Boromit (aahh!) *Boromir* ran to the door and tried to open it with all his strength, but it wouldn't budge. He was locked in a McD's freezer!!! He knew banging on the door was useless, no one would come to rescue him anyways. They were all jealous of his good looks, the McD's employees. Well, that's what Boromir thought. Anyways, he sat down by the door, shivering with fear. He only had a blue McD's t-shirt and blue pants on, and they weren't giving off any warmth at all. He looked beside the door. There was a dial that changed the temperature from freezing to warm, but Boromir didn't want the fries to melt or he'd make a mess in the freezer and then he'd get fired. Suddenly something shook the freezer (and McD's and the whole of Middle- Earth, to be exact). Boromir looked up at the freezer lights, which were shaking. The tremor grew, grew and grew until Boromir was being thrown about the freezer, bumping into icicles and bags of fries. The quake stopped and he crawled, exhausted and scared, back over to the door. "What the (censored) was that?!" Boromir thought. By now Boromir was shaking incessantly. He thought of Aragorn, and had the answer. Aragorn would begin to wonder where he (Boromir) was, and then come to the rescue! "Yay!" shouted Boromir, and laid his head back, painfully smacking it into something sticking out of the door. "Ow!" he said, turning around. Then he gasped. At the bottom of the door was something he'd never noticed before! A little door, like a doggy door! Maybe he could squeeze through it! "It's worth a try," he said, "And even if I get stuck in the middle, it'll only be the waist down that gets frozen! I can live with a bottom-half amputation! But...what about having to go to the bathroom?" Boromir then told himself not to worry about it, he'd lost a lot of weight over the past few months anyways, exercising on his Bowflex that Legolas gave him for Christmas. He stuck a hand through the door. Then his other hand. Then his two arms. Then his head. Then his neck...then all the way to his waist. As he had predicted, he was stuck. "Help!" he said to the workers. He could see them making burgers and McFlurries right before his eyes, so why didn't someone notice and help him? "HELP! STAN? MOE?" he yelled up at them in anger. They looked away. "IF YOU HELP ME I'LL TELL YOU WHERE I GET MY HAIR DONE!" Boromir found himself surrounded by the McD's workers, and soon he was pulled out of the freezer. Thankfully his temperature had only dropped by 10 degrees, and he could walk. (no I'm not dumb that way, I know you'd be dead by then, it's just for humor.) Back over to the fry pit he went, and told Aragorn about his adventure while taking over the fries. "It's happened to me too," Aragorn said, "You turn the doorknob the other way and the door opens. It's a safety door." 


End file.
